From Philip E. Humbert, PhD, http://www.philiphumbert.com

I’ve been studying human achievement for almost 50 years now (professionally for over 30 years), and the longer I do this work, the more I see that the “recipe” for achievement is much easier than most people believe. In fact, Socrates described it over 2000 years ago with the simple phrase, “Know thyself.”

I am working on a new book that expands this simple idea, and I want to share some preliminary observations with you.

First:  Know your strengths

High achievement comes from knowing what you do well, what you love and where your passion lies. Mid-level performance comes from people who can “get by” or are doing something “acceptable” but they are not using their talents to the maximum. When human beings do something they love and have some talent for, they are unstoppable!

Think about a teenager learning to drive, play sports or music or dance. Think about your own determination to be a great parent, good lover or successful investor. When we are doing something that “makes sense,” something that draws and excites us, we find a way to get the job done. Know yourself and go with your strengths, passions and talents!

Second:  Know your weaknesses

We all have blind spots and weaknesses. We have things we don’t enjoy, or don’t want to do, and yet too often we create lives or careers that ask us to do that very thing! How dumb is that?

If you don’t like detail work, hire a bookkeeper! If you are a quiet person, don’t go into sales or politics!

Unfortunately, most of our weaknesses are not so dramatic and over the years, we find ways to hide them or work around them. Then we end up in situations where we “forget” to do the books, return phone calls or calculate the budget. We get “bored” with meetings or annoyed with “those dreamers” in the R&D department. Know yourself and work around your weaknesses!

Third:  Know what you want

We all have dreams and desires. We know, deep inside, what brings us joy, what excites us, what fires us up. Sometimes, we get confused or lose track of our dreams, but they are still “in there.” The trick is to identify and express them!

The winners in life know what they want and they find healthy, productive ways to go after it. They ask, they poke and prod until they “find a way.” Recently, a client he expressed amazement that since he identified a particular skill he wants to develop, he suddenly sees people doing it all the time! My comment was that “when you know what you want, you’re much more likely to get it.”

Fourth:  Know how to express yourself

The final piece is “finding your voice” or finding your unique way to let the world know you exist. Some do this naturally and become entertainers, politicians or whatever. Others struggle to express themselves in the world, but winners always, eventually, find a way. They speak up. They reach out. They “go for it” and “makes waves.” They voice their suggestions, work for their causes, and make a difference in the world.

High achievement starts by knowing who you are and what you want in life. Then, achievement comes from going after it. That’s not always easy or simple, but winners keep trying “until” they find a way. “Know thyself and to thine own self be true.” There is no stopping a human being who knows who they are, what they want, and who is determined to get it.

1. Seek to understand.

Let me discover their needs and challenges. I want to learn the things that are truly important to them, and find ways that I can lift their burdens, add value, and enrich their lives.

I will try to put myself in their shoes. I understand that I may not get it right; it is possible that they will want or need something different from what I propose to do. However, my intent to understand and do what they want—rather than telling them what I want to do—sets the stage for them to communicate their true needs.

2. Be honest.

Honesty is so hard to find, yet how can I feel secure if honesty is not present? Honesty sometimes hurts. Sometimes it is difficult to say and even harder to hear. Honesty can have significant ramifications. Yet, honesty is the foundation upon which lasting relationships must be built. It is better that I find one person with whom I can be fully honest than 1,000 people with whom I must deny Truth in order to “succeed”.

3. Act with Integrity.

Let my behavior be guided by a strict ethical code. When my life is lived with integrity, when my relationships are built upon high ethical standards, I become More.

4. Deliver.

I will do my human best to deliver on the commitments and promises I make. Where I fall short, I will honestly communicate this to those affected, apologize, and seek to make amends where it is possible to do so.

5. Speak Up!

“Ask and Ye Shall Receive.” If I am having a problem, need help, information, or guidance, have a conflict that needs to be resolved, or just need support in my efforts to serve, I must ASK. Silence is deadly. I must speak up promptly, with courage.

I communicate not just to ask but also to tell. I must let them know what I do for them. This gives them a chance to appreciate my contribution as well as redirect my priorities and let me understand how my service to them can be improved. Anonymous service has a place, but not in professional or family relationships.

6. Care.

When I create empathetic relationships, I will feel the pain others experience. While I cannot sacrifice my honesty or integrity to protect another person’s ego, I can care for them and feel pain with them, and apologize when I do something inappropriate.

7. Form interdependent relationships.

If I am dependent, I will live in fear of those I serve and the power I give them over my life.

If I am too independent, I may forget that we are in this together; I may forget to incorporate their priorities into my own. I will “go it alone” and end up alone.

Interdependence means a recognition that we come together to create a synergistic, integrated relationship where the needs of all parties are met. We recognize that we are not dependent on each other; each of us can be ‘replaced’ or leave to pursue other callings. Yet, we come together as free people of choice to create and share something worthwhile.

8. Live with an Attitude of Gratitude.

Appreciate those I serve and those that serve me—silently, in discussions with others, and in person.

9. Take responsibility.

Know that I have response-ability for how I feel and how I act in all situations. Knowing that I have the choice means that blame has no place in any relationship. There is always some way I can respond to take the relationship to a higher level.

10. Build competence.

Learn how to do new things, and to do all things with greater skill and effectiveness.

11. Demonstrate respect.

Only a deep, underlying respect makes true service to another human being possible. Respect comes not from judgement of behavior. It comes from sensing the goodness that is within every individual.

12. Be supportive.

Give of my energy, my vitality, my joy, and my love with the intent of supporting those I serve. Support them in healthy, holistic ways.

13. Forgive early, forgive often.

All relationships are going to have conflicts of rules, values, and expectations. That goes especially for my relationship with myself. Forgiveness allows me to go forward. It is through forgiveness that I let go of the burdens that sap my strength. A forgiving heart is courageous and strong. Only a forgiving spirit can truly be of service in a world filled with so much suffering.

Do you think God works hard
to help a flower bloom?

Think about it…

A flower seed needs
water—rain from clouds ten thousand feet tall,
sunshine—infinite explosions from a fiery ball,
and soil—for roots to grow deep so the plant doesn’t fall.

All this and more
God brings together
to help a flower grow.

It isn’t always lovely.
Dirt… is dirty.
Rain… is wet, cold, and gray.
Even the glorious Sun
can burn the unwary.

It gets worse!

Mother Nature sure has her “bad days.”
Tornadoes. Thunderstorms.
Blizzards. Avalanches.
Floods. Famine!

Hmmm, where is God then?

He’s busy in the Garden!
You see, the more beauty
found within God’s creation,
the more challenging it can be
to set that beauty free.

It takes many earthquakes,
and huge volcanic eruptions,
to craft one majestic mountain.

Is our soul different?
Are each of us not the raw materials
from which God can craft
men and women of greatness?
And how are we to judge what it will take
to set our spirits free?

You see, I prefer…
rainbows without the rain,
snow without the cold,
roses without the thorns,
and honey without the bees.

Oh, and while we’re at it, give me
laughter without tears,
friends without enemies,
and love without pain.

But He won’t,
and I Trust that He is a better Gardener
of flowers and of souls,
than I.

I love him.
I wonder why, sometimes.

He’s got a lot of problems.
He can be pitifully sad
or outrageously cocky.
I don’t know whether
he’s brilliant… or pathetic.
He’s not sure either.
But I love him.

He talks a lot.
It’s his way
of finding his way.
He’ll lose me in a flurry
of new ideas.
But I listen.
There’s always something to learn.

He’s hardly the friend of my dreams.
He can be selfish,
wrapped so deep in his world
he doesn’t always see
how I need him to be.

He is… imperfect.

Imperfect.
That sums it up!
Trustworthy. But not always.
Kind. But not always.
Good. But not always.
Considerate, generous,
appreciative and grateful.
But not always.

How dreadfully unpredictable!
As his friend, who loves him so,
is there nothing I can expect
from him and not be disappointed?

Yes.

Imperfection.

What am I really?

I am a mixture of shit
and goodness and light.
If you hug me
you risk getting stinky.

I do not lie.
Well, sometimes I do.
I do not betray trust.
Hmmm, I’ve done that one, too.

How wretched.

Am I then worthless?
You tell me.

If in your heart
you are different—
unblemished by shit—
God has blessed you
with a soul untroubled.
How wonderful.

But God has taken my masks,
left me bare,
to face my troubles
without defenses.
How glorious!

See, I’ve spent most my life
hiding my Self
behind perfume and costumes and masks.
So afraid all would smell
the stink still inside.

I asked God for help.
He’s showing me the way.

I’ve been stripped of all pretenses.
I cannot pretend I am ‘better than…’.
Without my actor’s disguise
I look ugly, stinky, unwashed.
So grotesque amongst the actors
still wearing their puffery,
I am judged.

But what can their judgments tell me
that I cannot see for my Self
in the mirror of my heart?

“You are covered with shit!”
Why yes, I am.
Why didn’t you notice before?

They’re angry as hell.
I’m not playing my part.
The actor
has stopped improvising.
I’m too busy
washing off the shit.

It feels so good
to have washed face and hands
in the waters of forgiveness and love.
God offers me these—
offers all that I need—
to finally begin to get clean.

I like what I see
beneath all the sewage
that’s covered me all of my life.
But the process is ugly.
It ruins all costumes.
If you’re scared,
you better step back.

But if you’re ready to begin
just listen to Him.
His guidance is kind and clear.
Roll up your sleeves
take off your masks,
and join me here at His sink.

Although my body’s thirty plus,
There’s someone inside me,
that can’t believe that’s really true—
I feel like I’m just three!

Sure, my skin is not so soft.
My body—it has changed.
My spirit, though, is young and fresh.
It shows no sign of age.

I’ve burdened it with lots of junk—
worries, fears, and doubts.
I’m sure that with a little faith,
I’ll gladly toss those out.

For inside me I’m young and free.
I know just how to play.
Ask me again in fifty years.
I’ll always be this way.

So I’ve decided, Now’s the time
to let everybody see
that wondrous, playful, joyful gift
that is the child in me.

I am strong.
To look at me,
you might laugh
at such a bold statement.
But my strength is not
of my arms, legs, and chest.
My strength is within.

Those that seek to harm me
do not use fists and clubs.
They use words,
of fear,
of judgment.
They’ll even try to use
their “love.”

No castle high
nor armor strong
can protect me from words.
When I fight back
I find myself
bloodied and beaten.
In a war of words,
we all get killed.

So I have chosen
a new way to protect my Self—
by not protecting me at all.
What use are words
fired in anger
if they cannot cause me pain?
What weapons of words
can hurt me
if they never reach their mark?

Within my heart
I know my truth.
In this knowing
I find my strength.

If I do not erect defenses,
there are no defenses to penetrate.
Defenses can crumble.
Defenses can burn.
Defenses can be destroyed.
But I am eternal.

I know that when I feel
emotional pain,
one of my defenses
has been breached.

So I seek to tear them down,
to leave myself raw and open.
In this undefended state,
I find myself amidst fighting
yet unperturbed by it.
I have found true toughness.

To be tough
is to remain at peace
amidst the storms
that rage around us.
To be tough
is to stay the course.

The truth I live by
is my truth,
given to me by God
to live a healed and joyful life.

Yet there are many
who find my truth
built on love
threatens their nightmare
built on fear.

To them I only say,
“I love you,”
and know they’ll find their way someday.

To argue or debate,
to defend and counterattack,
only serves to make
my truth a lie.

So when another
calls me to battle,
to defend my truth
against their mighty fears,
I exercise my spiritual muscles,
and let their challenge pass by.

In that act
I demonstrate
the toughness of my spirit.
I stay firmly on my path,
guided by my heart,
grounded in love,
and at peace.

My love is like the Sun.
It warms.
It cheers.
It awakens life and helps it grow.
It lifts the fog that obscures beauty.
It obliterates darkness.
It brightens spirits.

This world needs the Sun.
This world needs my love.

Yet, if the Sun beats down
on a single spot for too long,
all the good the Sun brings
is overwrought.

The Sun can be too intense,
and so can my love.

Nature limits the Sun’s exposure.
A night of no Sun
follows the brightest day.
The world is allowed to cool,
to assimilate the Sun’s energy,
to balance the vitality of sunlight
with the rest and peace of the night.

My love is like the Sun,
and I must accept that there is a time
for its intensity to shine brightly
on the hearts of those I love,
and a time for them to rest from its heat.

As I seek to brighten
the intensity of my love
so that it may cut through
the thickest of clouds,
I must show care not to
overexpose
those that choose to share my love.

I don’t want those I love
to screen themselves from its intensity.
I’d prefer they choose
to bask in its full glory
when its warmth and brightness
can bring them joy and peace.

And those times
when my loved ones seek the shade
or the coolness of the night,
I can keep on shining, fully bright.
For the time will come
when they will again seek out
the happiness and comfort
my love can bring.

My love is like the Sun,
and all of life needs the Sun.

My fear drowned me.
It stole my breath
and left me choking for air.
It pushed me under
where it was dark,
and I was alone with my fear.

But when fear lost its grip,
I came alive again
and found that the darkness
that cloaked me
would disappear
if I just opened my eyes.

I could fill my lungs
with sweet air
if I just chose to breathe.

Now I wonder
where my fear came from,
how it held such a grip
on my life.

In my new world of
light and air,
fear is nowhere to be found.

For I know now
that fear is not my friend.
It was not protecting me
from harm.

Fear was keeping me
from life.

I’ve changed,
and the others in my life
are not sure what to make of me.

I used to take on their burdens—
their worries, fears, and doubts,
adding those of my loved ones
to my own burden of pain and fear.
That never lightened their load,
but it weighed me down
so that I was more laden with pain
than they were.

My heavy burdens gave some comfort.
They could see me struggle under the load
and felt better knowing that I suffered, too.
Yet in my heart,
I knew that to burden myself
did not ease their plight.
It only sapped my strength
and drained me of love.

I have now chosen to lighten my load,
to free myself of my own fears
and let the fears and doubts of others
remain theirs.

Some that see the new lightness in my step
and song in my heart
perceive that I have forsaken them—
that I no longer share their pain.
I share their pain,
and I feel their misery,
but I have chosen to live a healed life.

The way to lighten their soul
is not by burdening myself.
It is by freeing my hands and my heart
so I might use my love for them
to help them cast off their burdens, too.

Some will find my song of love disturbing.
It reminds them of the love and joy
that is missing in their lives.
I can only offer to teach them to sing,
to share the joy and love I’ve found in life.
Not all will choose to join the chorus,
yet those that do will find peace and happiness.
I can offer nothing more.

I’ve changed,
and the others in my life
are not sure what to make of me.

I used to need love.
I craved it and clung to it,
as if it might slip through my fingers
if I did not grip it tightly.

Others found this comforting.
As I clung to their love,
they felt needed and important.
How could I leave if I was
as desperate for love as they were?

Yet, I’ve discovered
that holding love so tightly
strangles it.

Love needs to breathe.
Pure love
comes from the choice of the unburdened heart
not from the neediness
of the soul in pain.

I’ve found within my Self
an infinite source of Love.
Even if I am left alone,
I know I can find love within my Self.
I no longer need to seek love from others
to fill a void in my heart.

Now I choose to share my love.
My heart is overfilled,
and within my spirit I know
that the love I give to others
fills my heart with more love to give.

Yet, some sense my lack of need,
the security I’ve found in the arms of God.
If I do not need them
like they desperately need me,
will I now leave?

They do not yet understand
that I have chosen to love them,
and in that choice
I have committed my spirit
to loving them and healing our relationship.
I do this out of love,
not out of obligation.

Some will cry out
that they have lost my love.
Others will respond
with anger and rage
that I have betrayed their love
because I have found love within my Self
and do not need them anymore.

They will someday see
that this new love
is unconditional
and does not rely upon
my insecurities and fears.
It will last forever,
even if someday
we both don’t need each other anymore.

I’ve changed,
and the others in my life
are not sure what to make of me,
and sometimes I don’t either.

I know in my heart
that the change is good.
I’m slowly returning to my core essence—
the Real Me.

The fears and doubts
I now see for what they are—
unnecessary burdens on a heart
that yearns to be free.

Is my change complete?
No.

I am not even aware
of all the fears I carry.
Yet, now when I see these fears,
I am able to cut them loose,
leaving them in the muck by the side of the road
where they belong.

Will others understand me?
Some will, and some won’t.
Yet, I don’t live
for the understanding of others.
I live for my Self
and openly share
the warmth of love in my heart
with all those that choose to rest by its fire.